P.W. Griffin

Patrick Wringworm Griffin's first words after being delivered from his mother Letitia-Anne Griffin's womb were not babyish babbles or cries, for instead he pulled his new mother close and proclaimed for his father, the doctors, and all else in the room to hear, "clean yourself up mother for we must make haste — the Piccadilly Odeon presentation of Wild Strawberries starts in exactly forty minutes." From this moment it was clear to all that Patrick's contribution in this life would be in sole servitude to the cinematic arts. He directed his first feature at only five years old, titled 'Where Have The Autumn Mornings Gone', which earned him fourteen Academy Awards – a then-staggering quantity of merit for a boy who had yet to learn to read. After a six year hiatus of both toilet training and a study of the great literary and philosophical works, Patrick returned to the film industry with his under-appreciated follow-up 'Duck Hunt: Mortal Warfare,' a film that both stunned and soured Griffin's image in the public eye with its devastating subject matter, inducing mass walkouts and hysteria at the 1985 Cannes Film Festival. He would recede into shame for a great many years until his fateful adaption of the acclaimed Harvey Rex novella 'Frogopolis', a text reviewed by most as 'unadaptable.' Despite a reasonably warm reception, the film was considered a significant box office failure; the New York Times calling it a "disgrace for everyone involved." It's four-hour runtime was cons…